Remembering Petra
by Jennah Yo Yo
Summary: Spoiler alert! Squad Levi have been killed and Levi remembers his moments with Petra and thinks of the greatest gift that she left behind. Rivetra. Levi x Petra
1. Chapter 1 - The First Night

Author's note: I don't own anything.

I like to write while listening to music that compliments the writing so in case anyone wants to listen while reading, I listened to a cover of Reluctant Heroes found on youtube by Rachellular

Hope you like it.

* * *

As the sun set outside Levi put his head on his desk in his office at the castle that had served as the old HQ site. His jacket hung neatly on the back of his chair. He felt like he had a lump in his throat. Today had been one of his worst since joining the Survey Corps. His entire squad had been wiped out by the Female Titan.

He clenched his fists on the desk. She would pay. He would kill her slowly. He would make her pay for the pain she had caused. In the quietness of the castle sobs could be heard resonating through its walls. Too many had died today.

He couldn't protect Petra. He couldn't protect any of them. In the end, humanity's most powerful soldier couldn't protect his squad. Tears leaked from his closed eyes. They were all gone.

_Oluo Bozado_

_Eld Jinn_

_Gunther Schultz_

_Petral Ral_

They were all gone.

When they were collecting bodies the newer recruits were seen crying. The more experienced all wore the same unmoved expression. After years of seeing comrades fall, most learned that in some moments, some things were more important. You learned to save your grief for later, you learned to lock it away. Levi locked every death in his heart, it was what drove him. At least that's what he usually did.

_Petra…_

She was skilled beyond most, that was how he had come to handpick her for his squad. She, like everyone else in the Survey Corps was a trained killer. In battle she was determined, confident in her skills, trusting of the rest of Squad Levi but when away from battle she was compassionate, empathetic, kind. It was only when she had joined his squad that he discovered more about her. She had kept her humanity, he couldn't say that he hadn't lost some of his along the way. Slowly, somehow by accident he had fallen in love with her. With the way she made everyone around her smile and feel special. The way she lived her life with dedication. She would get up early in the mornings to go jogging before showering and making coffee for everyone for the squad.

The three unsaid sacred words clung to his lips. How could eight letters hold so much meaning? They had never dared to say them. Soldiers weren't afforded the chance to love, especially those in the Survey Corps. They had all lived each day, grateful that they were still alive to see the sunrise, mourning those who couldn't. How many had died in the line of duty?

They had an unspoken agreement to never talk about tomorrow. They never knew how many tomorrows they had left. They stole moments whenever they could, knowing each one was precious.

She had called him her 'reluctant hero'. They would always embrace before an expedition, not knowing if they would make it back.

'Be strong, my reluctant hero' she would always murmur with her lips next to his ear.

He had always replied with something blunt. He kicked himself for that now. He should have told her how he always got strength from her saying that. How his warm his heart felt when he heard those words.

They had slept together only once. That was when it had all begun, one evening in his office.

'I made a promise to myself when I joined the Special Operations Squad.' she had said 'To live up to your expectations and to devote myself fully to the squad…'

She had taken a tiny step closer to him. Their boots were almost touching. He had noticed her trembling.

'…and to you' she had whispered.

That was when his hands had reached for her soft cheeks and he had brought his lips to hers, kissing her for the first time.

'Heichou…' she had whispered as he kissed her neck, his lips exploring every crevice and crease, her gentle scent intoxicating him.

'Levi' he had murmured, correcting her.

He had been afraid of hurting her. She had been hesitant, though she had insisted that it wasn't her first time. Perhaps it was that she had been afraid of disappointing him. She had been tentative at first, but became more passionate as her confidence grew.

They kissed and explored each other's bodies in the little single bed in his bedroom adjoining the office. She had hesitantly touched him, her delicate hands tracing the contours of his muscles and the raised scars. He had marvelled at her naked form, each item of clothing he had removed had revealed a part of her that he had never seen before. Her delicate collar bones, the graceful way her waist curved from her hips, her slender arms, delicate pale skin, he had kissed it all. She had trembled with anticipation.

As she lay bathed in candlelight he had stopped and looked at her in awe. She was so… _beautiful._ How had he not seen that before?

'What is it, Levi?' she had said, blushing under his gaze.

Nothing spurred him on like when she said his name. She had looked so beautiful when she had cried his name at the point of ecstasy. She had felt so good, unimaginably so. Her shuddering passion had sent him over the edge. They had clung to each other as they came down. Sweat had covered their skin, their breathing had become ragged. Even then, she gave him one of her sweet smiles.

'Levi' she had whispered as she brushed the hair out of his eyes before falling asleep on his chest.


	2. Chapter 2 - The Announcement

In the end, sleeping with her once was enough to change everything.

At first Levi had been sure that he had made a terrible mistake. Caring gave you no advantage as a soldier - in fact it could be a hindrance. Getting attached to another soldier could leave you making a stupid decision in crucial moments of battle. In the end, caring just gave you more to lose. He should have realised this before he had kissed her, but it was already too late - he had already fallen for her. His resolve crumbled every time she peeked at him through her long eyelashes.

The morning after he had woken to find her gone, with nothing other than the faint scent of her perfume left to ever suggest that she had ever been there. It was like neither wanted to acknowledge what had happened that night and they had resumed acting as usual. He was still a colossal asshole and she was just as sweet to everyone. Then he had noticed little changes. She had started looking more tired, she stopped jogging in the mornings but still made coffee though she never drank it herself anymore. In the evenings when the squad would usually relax with a drink or two she would excuse herself early and say that she wanted to go to bed early. She looked even paler than usual, her lips had lost their rosy shade, and she had started to spend more time alone.

He wasn't an idiot, he could put two and two together. He had hauled her into his office one afternoon to confront her.

'Shut the door' he had barked at her the moment she had come in.

She had looked a little alarmed. A closed-door conversation probably meant trouble with him, but she was brave. Turning back from the door she had stood tall with her chin raised in defiance, waiting for him to speak. He had looked at her with distain, and she had looked at him like she was awaiting orders.

'So, how long have you known?' he said eventually.

'About what, heichou?' she had replied.

'Cut the crap, Petra' he had shouted, slamming his hand on the desk 'How long have you known that you're pregnant?'

She had gasped. That sweet surprised expression on her face was almost enough to quell his annoyance. Almost. That was when the yelling had started.

'What the fuck were you thinking? Did you seriously think you could hide something like this from me? How fucking stupid did you think I am?'

'Heichou…' she had said quietly 'Are you unhappy?'

'Of course I'm fucking unhappy!' he had roared 'Who the hell could think of having a child at a time like this? With all this happening now? What, you'll just swing in on your 3D Manoeuvre Gear, blades ready with a fucking baby strapped to you? Why the fuck didn't you tell me sooner?'

At that point Petra had done something truly admirable. She had looked him dead in the eye without fear and spoke.

'I was afraid, heichou' she said simply.

It was at that point that Levi had realised that he had lost his temper. There was a terrible moment of silence as he brought a hand to his eyes to massage them as he slowly counted to ten to calm down.

'Is the brat mine, then?' he said finally.

She had flinched at that, her hand flying to her still flat stomach protectively.

'Yes, _he_ is' she had hissed at him.

'_H-he?_' he had spluttered. 'You know?'

'I just… have a feeling that it's a boy' she had said dreamily looking down at her abdomen.

Typical woman. One tiny foetus and she had snapped into mother mode. She had looked at her stomach smiling as if she was willing the child to grow within her.

'You can't stay.' he had said curtly.

'What?' she had protested, looking back at him 'heichou!'

'You will leave immediately, stay with family until it's all over. I can arrange for you to take leave. You can pack your things now. I can see if I can get a horse ready for you as soon as possible'

He hadn't been able to stop rambling. He hadn't really planned for her saying she was really pregnant. God, she was _pregnant! _He wasn't prepared for this. Titans and warfare he had covered, but _this_?

'_Levi' _she had said while stamping her foot.

The noise had shocked him into shutting his mouth.

'I'm staying here as long as I can' she said firmly, her eyes looked down to the floor 'They need me. I couldn't bear it if one of you got hurt because I was too busy lying in bed 'resting'. Besides, I can't go home… I couldn't go back to my father and shame him like this. He already tells me off saying that I'm still too young to marry.'

She had coloured at the cheeks at that.

'Fine, you can stay for now' he had sighed.

Her face broke into a smile momentarily.

'But' he continued with a smirk 'only on the condition that you tell the squad. Tonight. They can decide.'

Her smile had faltered then. She had bitten her lip and nodded once.

'I understand.'

The success of Squad Levi depended on the mutual trust and honesty of its members. Hiding a secret like this was unthinkable. It was imperative that they all knew what they were going into with. Ultimately, whether Petra stayed in the squad was up to the others. If one person spoke out against her staying, Levi would send her home.

It was then that his gaze had softened. He had approached her and gently moved a strand of hair out of her face, tucking it behind her ear.

'You're going to be a amazing mother' he had murmured as he kissed her on the cheek.

Tears had formed in her eyes then.

'You'll be a great father, Levi' she had said, smiling through her tears.

He wasn't so sure about that, but gave her a small smile.

* * *

Later that evening at dinner in the mess hall of their wing of the HQ Petra had been unusually quiet, even for recently. It had not gone unnoticed by the rest of the squad who kept pestering her with questions, asking if she was all right. She had brushed them off.

'I'm _fine.'_ She had repeated over and over.

Levi had sat at the head of the table, eating in silence, quietly observing as usual. The men had always been especially protective of Petra, the only woman in the squad. Of course, it was no secret that Oluo had been infatuated with her – Levi had smirked to himself at that point. Eld and Gunther had treated her like a little sister and had always teased her accordingly, but when they were worried they would always be filled with brotherly concern.

Petra had suddenly picked up her plate and stood as if to leave.

'Petra,' he had said, his voice clearly resonating around the stone room 'wasn't there something you wanted to say to the squad?'

'Nngh' she had groaned going pale.

'This must be what all the yelling was about earlier' Eld had murmured.

Sitting back down she had taken a couple of breaths as if to prepare herself. She looked directly at the stone wall opposite her before speaking.

'I'm pregnant' she had said.

Eld and Gunther had gasped simultaneously. Oluo had bit his tongue, and Levi had carefully kept his face in his bored-looking expression as they had looked bewilderedly at each other – though it had amused him that none of them had thought to look his way.

'Petra intends to stay as long as she can' he had said in a bored voice, breaking the silence 'whether you want to accept that extra risk is entirely up to you all. Needless to say, the military looks down on pregnant women being on expeditions so this information stays in this room.'

Silence fell upon the group again. Oluo was the first to speak.

'I say Petra stays as long as she wants' he had said suddenly 'and congratulations.'

Eld and Gunther had echoed something to the same effect. Petra had smiled, glowing with what she considered a victory. She could stay. With that sorted Levi had stood to take his plate.

'So, who's the father?' Oluo had asked casually.

Petra had gritted her teeth and looked down and her hands had curled into little fists on her knees.

'He's… no one.' She had muttered.

'What?' they had all gasped. 'Don't say this guy's just left you alone?'

Gunther and Eld had been outraged at this imaginary man who they had believed to have wronged their 'little Petra' as they had frequently called her.

'Tell us who he is!' Eld had shouted at her 'Who is this sonofabitch who would do this to you?'

'We'll sort him out' added Gunther with a smirk.

Petra had stoutly refused to say a word but kept her eyes fixed on her fists on her knees, shaking her head. The shouting escalating as they wildly guessed who the father was, threatening the no good asshole that had apparently impregnated their little Petra and had abandoned her. She had looked so small in that moment, with the three men who were so much physically larger than her standing over her.

'I'm the father' Levi had said quietly.

That had surprised him. He smirked at their priceless reactions. Oluo had bitten his tongue again and Gunther and Eld had worn matching dumfounded expressions.

'L-Levi heichou?!' they had exclaimed.

'So if you still want that fight, we can take this outside' Levi had said with a smirk.

He had waited a couple of seconds for a potential response then had turned and left with a snort.

'Unbelievable' he had heard Eld say after the door had closed.


	3. Chapter 3 - Dreaming of You

'Good morning, heichou' said Petra smiling as she handed Levi a cup of freshly brewed coffee. A drop of milk and a little sprinkle of sugar, just as he liked it.

'Petra…' said Levi, eyes widened in surprise as he took the coffee. 'Oh, thank you.'

As he took a sip, he looked over the cup. Oluo, Gunther and Eld were sat together eating breakfast and joking around. Squad Levi was preparing for a day like any other, though Levi didn't seem to have any plans in his head. Wait… how were they all here? He choked on the coffee and the cup fell to the floor.

'Heichou!' Petra cried 'are you all right?'

'You can't be here.' he said blankly 'This isn't real. This _can't _be real.'

He looked around him. Squad Levi smiled back at him as if nothing were wrong.

'You're all dead' he said numbly 'I couldn't even bring your bodies back. Forgive me, everyone.'

He bowed his head, asking them for forgiveness.

'Heichou' said Eld, a hand on his shoulder 'come and sit down with us.'

He sat at the table between Oluo and Gunther; Petra and Eld sat opposite them.

'Levi, you're dreaming' said Petra, reaching for his hand across the table.

Her hand was so soft and delicate, just like it had always been. The raised marks of the bite marks on her hand showed in the light. She was as beautiful as she had always been, even in the pale stillness of death she had been beautiful.

'Levi heichou' said Oluo 'I don't blame you for anything that happened. I trusted you until the very end. No one could have ever been a better leader. And hey, there was never any bad blood about Petra.'

He winked then held his hand out to shake Levi's hand. Then he stood to leave.

'Wait!' said Levi.

Oluo turned in the doorway and smiled back at him as he saluted.

'Goodbye, heichou. Thanks for everything.'

He turned back to the door and left.

Levi was stunned. Then Eld and Gunther started to speak.

'Sir, it's been fun' said Eld 'being in the Special Ops squad was my dream when I joined, and it turned out to be everything I could have dreamed of and more.'

'I'll rest happy knowing that I did my best for humanity. All of us will' added Gunther.

They looked at each other and laughed as they fist bumped before standing to walk to the doorway. As they reached the door they, too, saluted.

'It was an honour to fight along side you, Levi heichou' said Gunther

'Make sure you nail that bitch!' said Eld grinning 'Don't let us down!'

They turned and left, leaving Levi and Petra alone.

'We haven't got much time.' she said, her hand squeezing his.

'Petra, I'm sorry. I tried so hard to protect you and keep you safe. I couldn't save you.'

'I know, Levi. You did everything you could. But some things are more important than us. We all wanted to tell you that we never blamed you. We vowed we'd follow you until the end and we died fighting for what we believe in. You know we'd do it all over again if we had the chance.'

Her eyes shone with fierce determination. That was the Petra he knew. Brave, strong, compassionate, loving. His heart ached. He missed her like nothing else. He wanted to hold her tight and never let her go, even if it was a just a dream.

'I love you' he said, telling her for the first time 'I always loved you.'

'I know, Levi. I always knew' she said, her voice wavering as her eyes began to water 'I love you too.'

'I know.'

'You'll look after Ethan won't you? Tell him about me, tell him his mother always loved him and died fighting for his freedom. Tell him I'm sorry that I couldn't be there to see him grow up.'

'I will' he vowed, squeezing her hand tightly.

Her voice had cracked as she grew more tearful but she continued.

'And when you go to see my father to give him my things… tell him about Ethan, it's okay now. Tell him, I thought of him every day and that I hope I made him proud.'

Levi's couldn't hold back the tears any longer as he nodded. He would do anything for her in life and in death.

'Don't cry, be brave, my reluctant hero.' She said, wiping away the tears running down his cheeks. 'I believe in you.'

She stood up from her stool, her hand lingering on his face. He stood too, desperate to keep the moment.

'Wait, Petra!' he begged, grasping her hand 'Don't go yet! Stay a little longer.'

'I can't, Levi' she said sadly 'you need to wake up now. You need to lead everyone and defeat the titans like you promised us all. You can't give up now, they're all counting on you, they need you.'

She kissed him one last time. Her soft rosy lips gently pressed on his. He smelt her gentle fragrance again before she pulled away and walked towards the door, stepping carefully backwards so she could face him the whole time.

'I'll be waiting for the day we can be together again.'

She gave a proud salute as the tears flowed down her face. The fist over her heart trembled.

'I'll be waiting, Levi. Don't forget me.'

Finally, she opened and went through the heavy wooden door. It closed behind her leaving him sat alone in the empty mess hall.

'Never' he whispered.


	4. Chapter 4 - If I Die

Levi woke to a pillow wet with tears. He blearily looked out of the window and jumped out of bed when he saw that the sun was already on its way to noon.

'Shit' he mumbled as he wiped his eyes and hurriedly rolled out of bed.

He hissed a list of curse words as he felt pain shooting up his leg when he put his weight on his left leg.

_Right, I hurt my ankle yesterday when I had to save that stupid Ackerman girl. _

He pulled on his clothing, taking care with the buttons on his shirt then with practiced movements strapped himself into the 3D Manoeuvre Gear harness. Each soldier eventually figured out their own way of doing it quickly, but for Levi, anything to do with the 3DMG was practically second nature. As a street rat he and his friends had stolen a set each and used it to steal and escape. He smiled as he remembered how it had felt the first time he had taken flight through the woods - he had never felt so free in his life.

He managed to walk down to the mess hall without limping too much. As he opened the door, he found Hanji poring over her notes. She turned to see who had entered, her glasses reflecting the light.

'Oh, Levi. You're finally up' she said.

'Why didn't you wake me?' grumbled Levi.

'Well I knocked and got no response so I poked my head round the door but you looked so scary that I left' she laughed 'who knows, you probably sleep with a knife under your pillow or something!'

_Nngh if she came in when I was asleep she probably saw me… crying. _He grimaced at the thought as he made himself a cup of coffee. He sat down on the other end of the table, as far away from Hanji as possible.

'Levi' she said quietly 'I'm sorry about your squad.'

He grunted and she returned to reading her notes. At least she truly understood comrades' deaths, if anyone understood what it was like losing people in your squad expedition after expedition it was Hanji. But… she didn't know what it was like to lose the one person in this life that meant everything. Wait, just the _one_ person? No… There's another…

Taking a pencil and notepad from his breast pocket, he wrote a few lines before carefully tearing the page out and sliding it down the table to Hanji.

'Huh? What's this?' she said squinting at the words written in Levi's scrawled handwriting. For a cravat-wearing neat freak he had really crappy penmanship.

'It's an address, stupid.'

He rolled his eyes with a sigh. He could hardly believe he was even doing this, but he had to. He had to protect the one thing he had left.

'And what will I find at this address?'

'Not what,' he said carefully 'but, _who_.'

'Fine, then _who_ will I find there?' said Hanji sighing exasperatedly as she took a sip from her coffee cup.'

'My son.'

Hanji's reaction was priceless. She half choked and half spat out her coffee all over her notes and was seized with spluttering coughs for a good minute. As she struggled to breathe Levi made no attempt to help her and continued to take sips from his coffee.

'My notes!' she wailed once she managed to catch her breath. 'You had better not have been taking the piss or I just ruined about twelve pages of notes for a shitty joke.'

'It's no joke' he said taking a careful sip from his cup.

'B-but, who's the mother?!' she said 'When did Corporal Levi find time to knock someone up?'

'Petra Ral of the Special Operations Squad, Survey Corps. Killed in action.' he said without emotion as he set down the cup to disguise the trembling that had started when he said her name.

Hanji gasped, her hand covering her mouth in shock.

'Levi…' she said 'I'm so sorry.'

'Shut up' he said slamming his hand on the table.

He couldn't take the look of pity in her eyes. Those stupid eyes through those fucking glasses. All because Corporal Levi, humanity's most powerful soldier, Petra's 'reluctant hero' hadn't just lost his squad, but the woman he loved, the mother of his child. He started to speak, like he was telling a story. It was strange, it like telling someone else's story.

'She couldn't face going home - traditional values in little villages' He snorted 'so in the last few months she hid with some friends of mine from the old days. She wanted to stay and fight for as long as possible, and remarkably her stomach didn't show until she was about four months pregnant by which time winter was coming so it was easier to hide under layers of clothing and the winter cloak. She gave birth the day we got back from the 53rd expedition beyond the walls.'

Hanji looked at him in total shock and wonder.

'So… when she missed that expedition and you said she was on her two-week annual leave…'

'In reality she had been on leave for a few months,' he said smirking 'You remember when she had to be put on leave after she broke her ankle from an accident with her horse?'

'So that was fake…' she said with realisation 'then the squad were in on it too.'

'Naturally.' He said with a sigh 'I wasn't going to keep something like that from them. And they all turned out to be surprisingly convincing actors. Then we were fortunate enough to not have to be called for an expedition until the 53rd so we performed our normal duties without her and as long as our tasks were getting done our superiors wouldn't' ever look too closely to see who was actually doing them.'

'Shit,' she breathed 'you're a genius. Are you seriously telling me that no one outside Special Ops knew about all this?'

He shrugged nonchalantly.

'Damn, Levi. This is insane.' she muttered, shaking her head 'What else are you hiding from us?'

'We all have our secrets, don't we, Zoe?' he said giving her a knowing look.

There was a brief pause as he held her gaze and she looked at him in shock, clearly trying to figure out if he was bluffing or truly knew her 'secret'.

'So what, you need a babysitter?' she said hastily.

'If… if I die… I need you to go and tell the people looking after my son.' said Levi, looking at the table 'Besides you and I there is no one in the military who know about Ethan. If you don't tell them, I guess they'd realise eventually but they don't tend to keep up with military stuff and I'd like him to know.'

'Ethan, huh? But why them? Why not Petra's father?'

'He doesn't even know that he has a grandson yet.'

'What?! You're insane.'

'I'm going to see him today, I'll tell him then' Levi said determinedly 'I'll go as soon as I pack up her things.'

He downed the rest of his coffee and stood to leave. As he passed Hanji, a hand grabbed his arm.

'Levi, wait' she said as she stood and turned to him 'I'll do it.'

It was then that he realised how good a friend Zoe Hanji could be, and had been over the years. For all her eccentric behaviour, she had a good heart and he had a habit of overlooking that sometimes.

'Thanks' he muttered as she walked to the door.

With her hand on the handle she turned, the light reflected off her glasses flashing.

'You know, I should have seen that things had changed.' She said slowly, as if she was realising something for the first time. 'You have something you want to go back to now. You never used to have that, you used to do the craziest things, not giving a shit that you might hurt because the only thing you had was your need to defeat the titans - that's what drove you. With this kid in the picture, you have something you want to make it back for. You'll never give your full 100% because part of you will hold back, knowing that that kid is waiting for his daddy to come home… Damn you, Levi.'

She looked at him with a face full of betrayal, hurt and disappointment before she left. As the door closed behind her he numbly stared at the space where Hanji had stood. It wasn't hard to understand her reaction. The military training was designed to break you down and remake you, to make you follow their rules. Relationships were discouraged because it took your focus away from the fight, but it didn't mean that you no longer desired, it just meant that it was buried deep inside. Levi had even seen Erwin looking longingly at families as they passed in their carriage.

Levi wasn't like them; he hadn't been subjected to the three years of training – Hanji, who had graduated top of her class, had always hated him for that. Instead, Erwin had plucked him from the streets and he had joined the Survey Corps but not before being broken and remade, Erwin style. Still, maybe he hadn't been remade the way the other had. After all, he had let himself want Petra, and he had let her want him.

He had everything that everyone in the Survey Corps secretly wanted – a chance at a normal life, with a family, with someone who would give a damn if you died or not. Something worth living for other than destroying titans. He had everything they wanted and were forbidden from having. Of all people, of course it would be Corporal Levi who would get what he wanted and now humanity's strongest soldier had something real to live for when they needed him most.

He sighed as his sat down, lost in thought. Was Ethan their undoing? Had they let their son become a distraction?

'Petra… What am I supposed to do?' he mumbled as he looked longingly at the place she had sat and spoken to him in his dream.


	5. Chapter 5 - I'll Miss You

As Levi rode towards Petra's village he felt sick to his stomach. It was bad enough normally whenever you had to tell the families that their kid was dead but this was Petra. Her father's words echoed in his mind when he had seen him coming back from the expedition. He had spoken so earnestly about their relationship - Petra must have hinted at the truth in those letters she kept sending. Those letters… they were another way she was different. After a while, most soldiers stopped writing more than once every few months but Petra had written to her father at least once a week. She would light up with happiness whenever a letter arrived for her and would lock herself in her room to pore over it, and read it over and over. It was clear that she and her father had a close relationship which was why Levi had been, and still was, perplexed by her insistence on keep her pregnancy a secret.

The journey through the country roads was long. Much longer than it should have been. As it was, he shouldn't really have been riding at all because of his injury but he figured if he went slowly it shouldn't give him too much discomfort - he was wrong. Even after strapping up his ankle it still sent pain up his leg in rhythm of the horse's steps. He looked down – the satchel of Petra's belongings bumping his leg wasn't helping.

Ahead, he saw a stream. He carefully dismounted onto his right leg and let his horse take a drink from the flowing water. He untied the satchel from the left side of the horse and looked at it for a while, remembering the way Hanji had emptied Petra's room for him then had dumped the bag on his desk and left without a word. He sighed, there was nothing he could do now to ease her shitty attitude except wait for it to blow over. As much as he understood why she was upset, there was nothing that could be done to rectify it and he wasn't going to waste his energy on something as trivial as that.

As he retied the satchel to the right side of the horse his hand hesitated as it hovered over its clasp. Part of him wanted to look inside, to feel a connection with her again, and part of him was afraid of the pain and heartache that he knew would be inevitable. He thought better of it then sat on a rock to rest, elevating his ankle. He looked up at the sky – it was already rapidly approaching midday.

As he listened to the sound of the running water his thoughts went back to Petra. It had been strange, the bigger her belly grew the more he seemed to fall in love her. After the morning sickness had passed she had glowed and radiated happiness. Her happiness, like always, had been infectious.

One afternoon she had burst into his office when he was trying to read over Hanji's latest notes on the titans.

'Levi, it's the baby!' she had cried. He had stood quickly, abandoning the stack of pages, fearing the worst.

'Petra! What is it?' he had said worriedly, running over to her. As he reached her she had grabbed his hand and placed it on her swollen stomach.

'Wait for it…' she had said 'There!'

She had beamed at him, as he stood paralysed in the wonder of it all.

'Did the baby… was that… the baby… kicking?' he said, eyes widened in awe.

'Uh-huh!' she had said, eyes shining with happiness 'Isn't it wonderful?'

He had wordlessly held her then, kissing her all over her face. That had made her laugh and half-heartedly protest.

He thought she was incredible, the way that she had _a baby_ inside of her all whilst she continued to do her duties with fierce determination. Even when the morning sickness had been at its worst she had insisted on continuing with her duties and training despite the rest of the squad begging her to take it easy. No, it took a lot more than that to keep Petra down. _Like a huge female titan_ he thought darkly.

He wasn't sure when it started, but when he wasn't too busy he had started to knock on her door before bed and would often spend the night with her too. Sometimes he'd find her fast asleep before the boys had even started drinking, other times he'd find her wide awake even when he had stayed up late into the night finishing his paperwork.

One night he had had a particularly long conversation with Erwin about plans for the forthcoming expedition. It was the early hours when he had finally gone back to his wing and Levi had knocked on her door almost out of habit, not expecting a reply. She had appeared in the doorway holding a lit candle.

'Oh, good evening, Levi heichou!' she had said 'Come in.'

They had always played their roles whenever they weren't in her room or in his offices – squad leader and subordinate. It was only in these two places behind closed doors that Levi had felt comfortable to let his guard down a little. Petra had often remarked that she had never seen him smile outside those rooms.

She had been dressed in a long sleeved white nightgown. Her stomach, now at five months had protruded from her otherwise slender body. Her eyes had glowed amber and bright, reflecting the flickering candlelight.

She had sat on the bed and watched silently as he carefully undressed, laying his clothes over her chair. Then he sat on the bed next to her, dressed only in his underwear, before raising her legs and swinging her round in a gentle practiced motion. Her legs draped over his knees and she lay on her back on the bed. Taking her tiny left foot he began massaging it, relieving the swelling that seemed to plague her through her pregnancy. She sighed with satisfaction.

'I thought you'd be asleep by now' he murmured as his thumbs traced endless circles on the bottom of her foot.

'Then why did you knock?' she said mischievously, her amber eyes glinting as she raised herself onto her elbows to look at him. She sighed and lowered herself back down. 'The baby's been kicking all night so I couldn't sleep.'

His eyes had gone to her stomach at that point, itching to feel the signs of the tiny stirrings of life developing within her. Petra had laughed, seeing where his eyes looking.

'My eyes are up here!' It had become a bit of a running joke whenever she caught him looking at her bulging abdomen.

She had guided his hand to the right spot and then they had waiting in silent anticipation before the little movements started within her again. She had giggled at his wide-eyed response every time he felt it. He had turned to her, opening his mouth to say something affectionate, but somehow the words had gotten stuck in his throat – he wasn't good with showing his emotions. He had simply looked at her in admiration instead. Seconds of silence had passed before she had reached up to nudge his elbow.

'You haven't done the right one yet' she had teased, lifting her right leg.

Later they had lain in bed together, Petra as the little spoon and Levi as the big spoon. He loved holding her close, his arms wrapped around her as he nuzzled her neck. Her scent had intoxicated him as it always did.

'Levi?' she had said dozily 'What are we going to call him? The baby, I mean.'

'You're still sure it's a boy then?' he said as his hand lightly rubbed her stomach in circular motions. 'Not some shitty pretentious name like Charles or Maximilian or Harold.'

She had laughed at that.

'Knowing you, you'll probably only decide when you actually have the kid in your arms' he added.

'Mmm… maybe…'

The candle hissed as it burnt out. In the dim light of the moon coming through the window, Levi saw that her eyes were battling sleep – a battle they were losing. Her eyelids fluttered as she tried to stay awake.

'Petra?'

'Mmhmm?'

'You know you really won't be able to stay for much longer, right? You have to look after yourself and the baby… you'll need to stop all this and rest.'

'Okay Levi…' she had mumbled groggily.

Realising that she probably was moments from unconsciousness Levi had decided to leave it and settle down to sleep when she murmured 'but… I'll miss you.'

He had felt his heart thump at that. As he held her close, he had gently pressed his lips to her golden hair and whispered 'I'll miss you too.'

He had gotten no reply other than the gentle rhythm of her breathing as she slept.

Levi was disturbed from his reverie when he heard his horse braying in impatience as it stamped at the ground.

'I guess you don't like waiting around' he said to the horse as he stroked its face 'You're right, we should get going. We still have a long way to go.'

This day could only get worse.


	6. Chapter 6 - Persephone

'Corporal Levi,' said Petra's father as he opened the door 'I was expecting you, come in.'

'Mr Ral' said Levi formally, remaining in the doorway 'It is with deepest regret that I have come to report that your daughter, Pet-'

'Levi heichou, I already know' he said interrupting Levi's rehearsed official speech, 'Please, come in and have a seat.'

Sighing inwardly, Levi followed him into his home - Petra's home, where she had grown up. She had walked on these rough wooden floors he was treading on. As he sat on a wooden chair at the table he wondered if that had been her chair. He let the satchel of Petra's belonging lie on the table. As he looked around he felt the ghosts of her life around him - the fireplace where she would have warmed her tiny delicate hands in winter, the hook by the door where she would have hung her coat, the dainty woven table mats that she must have created. He felt a tightening around his heart as he saw a small pair of women's slippers by the door that could only have been hers.

Then he saw the pictures. The villagers here were artisans, creating art works for the people living in Wall Sina. Pinned up around the walls were pencil sketches - Petra as a chubby baby. A frowning woman that could only have been her mother. Petra around five years old with long hair tied up in a ponytail reaching for something. Petra as he remembered her, a little younger, smiling in her Survey Corps uniform standing outside the log cabin home. Perhaps it was just when she had signed up – her hair was a little longer back then.

'I am sorry to hear about your squad' said Petra's father, handing him a cup of coffee.

It was easy to see where Petra had gotten her compassion. Her father was more concerned with his feelings than his own, despite losing his own daughter. He felt a lump in his throat, her father's kindness and her ghost lingering here were overwhelming. He cleared his throat before speaking.

'I would have been earlier but I was led to believe that you lived in the village, not a mile away from it.'

'Even from beyond the grave my Petra looks after me...' Petra's father murmured to himself. 'Tell me, Corporal Levi, did Petra ever mention her _gift_?'

Levi shook his head.

'People from this village have a certain _gift_.' He continued 'They are sensitive to people's emotions. Petra had it too though it was quite weak. It's like we can hear what it is in your heart. You, for example, act like a ruthless soldier – apathetic, calculating, severe… but I can tell you have a good heart. And you carry more sorrow than anyone I've ever met.'

Levi tensed at that. To think that she and her father could have seen through him so easily.

'You loved my daughter.' He said.

It was a statement, not a question, yet Levi nodded.

'You know she loved you too, don't you, son?'

He nodded again, silent, not trusting himself to keep all his emotions in check if he opened his mouth to speak. His eyes focused on the grain of the wooden table. _Son._ What had he done to deserve warm words like these? His daughter died whilst in his squad, all of them did and yet he lived. He should have been there with them, he should have protected them, and he should have died with them. But then Levi remembered Petra's words in his dream.

_'And when you go to see my father to give him my things… tell him about Ethan, it's okay now. Tell him, I thought of him every day and that I hope I made him proud.'_

If he had fallen with Petra, Ethan would have been left an orphan. His felt a tightening on his heart at the thought of leaving their son alone in this world. Even if it was a dream, something inside him knew that this was what Petra would have wanted – for her son to know his grandfather. After all, Ethan was the only family he had now. Something in his heart told him this was the right thing to do.

'I can tell there's something that you want to say but you're in two minds.' He said, smiling gently. 'It's alright, you can tell me.'

Levi cringed at the way the older man could see through him so easily. His right hand holding the cup of coffee hovered in front of him, the other clenched into a fist so hard it trembled, his nails digging into his palm. His jaw clenched as his braced himself. Finally, he brought his cup to the table in a slow controlled manner before inhaling and looking up at Petra's father.

'Mr Ral, you have a grandson.' He said quietly. 'His name is Ethan.'

Whatever he had been expecting, it wasn't that.

'I see… And I suppose you're the father?' he spoke calmly, without accusation.

Levi gave a curt nod before taking a sip of his coffee. 'But there was one thing I never understood… why would she keep it a secret from you?'

'That would probably be something to do with her mother.'

Her mother? Thinking back, he had never heard her mention her mother before. He had never even thought to ask.

'Her name was Persephone - Persephone Linsk. She was in the Survey Corps when she was young. They once even called her 'mankind's shining hope' – remind you of anyone?'

Levi averted his eyes in embarrassment.

'Why she ever loved a simple man like me is still a mystery but she got pregnant and she was asked to leave the Survey Corps so she came back here and we got married. But then, the trouble started - people would shout after and harass her in the streets. Back then she was famous, much like you are today, and people felt betrayed that 'mankind's shining hope' would leave the fight to have a family. She never showed how much it hurt her until we were home but she swore she'd return once Petra was born. So just three days after giving birth she left home to go back. By evening she had returned saying that they wouldn't take her back - they told her to go back to her family and that they wouldn't need her anymore. That was when everything fell apart. When everyone found out that Persephone wasn't going back it all got worse. That was why we moved away from the village so we could have some peace.

For a while it seemed that things were settling down, but she wasn't the woman I fell in love with. She seemed so dead inside. She kept going back to the city to ask to be allowed to join back, even offering to start over as a trainee but it was a different time then, they didn't want a woman with a child and husband back home. I think she secretly hated me for the rest of her life, for ruining her career with the Survey Corps, but she stayed which I took to be a good sign even though she was distant to Petra and me.'

'It's an awful thing to speak ill of the dead, but… she was a terrible mother. It was like she was waiting for the pregnancy to all to be over so that she could go back. Once Petra was born she ignored her existence except to complain. She was more focused on going back to the Survey Corps than anything else and so she put that before everything and everyone, including her family. I can't remember a single time she even touched Petra other than to push her aside. The poor girl, she could feel her mother's pain, she only wanted to comfort her, but she must have felt her mother's hatred like I did.'

I should have known that she wasn't born to raise children and chickens. She was like a wild thing, she needed to be there with the Survey Corps, with her comrades and her 'real family'. No matter how much Petra and I tried to make a life for us all together, she was fixated on going back.'

Levi had listened silently. All had become clear – the reason why Petra never spoke of her mother, why she hid the pregnancy. _Petra… _

'Where is she now?' he asked.

Petra's father shook his head sadly as he turned to poke the fire.

'She died when Petra was three years old. I hadn't realised just how much she hated it here until she committed suicide. Petra was the one who found her in the woods over there…'

He gestured without looking, out of the window to a wooded copse.

He saw the ghosts of her and her mother in the room now. A small child, pushed aside from the doorway. Petra holding a handful of wild flowers, her mother throwing them aside. Petra running into the house in tears to find her father to tell him that his wife was dead.

Born to a mother that never wanted her, by some miracle, she had grown to be kind, loving, compassionate – thanks to her father.

'I'm sorry.' Levi muttered.

Silence hung between them for a moment, the only sounds were the crackling of the logs in the fire and the chirping of the birds outside.

Petra's father coughed as he cleared his throat.

'So, when can I meet my grandson?'

'Is today too soon?' Levi replied dryly.


End file.
